Motherhood is hard. Period. It is not for wimps. It is not a contest. It is not a simple task. It is not a thing to be judged. It is not understood. Motherhood is beautiful. It is not glamorous. It is under thanked. It is the best privilege ever given. It is the most tiring position on earth. As I have been journeying on my motherhood trip for a few short under two years I have learned so much! There truly is nothing quite like taking on the role of motherhood.
As you step into the position you've received little to no "training" on how it all works, you have just gone through one of the most trying physical experiences on this earth, and you now have a little human being who needs you constantly. There is nothing that compares. It's overwhelming, honoring, humbling and daunting. As I became a mother of two many things happened. My love for my first child grew immensely and an added deep love for my second blew me away. But I also began to have advice, judgments and comments I never thought I'd hear from other women.
My sweet Mister told me it's the "Remember Complex." We as humans (especially in this era I think) tend to forget and forget quickly. Sometimes forgetting is good. How can a mother want to go back and do child labor again? Because she forgets, in part, the pain and the struggle it is. But there is also the forgetting that it was hard for you to when you judge another mothers parenting or coping skills. We forget so quickly and can judge so swiftly.
During my whirlwind recovery after my second natural birth I have had endless comments made to me or behind my back that have overwhelmed and frustrated me. I would have women say (some who had met me seconds before) "you need to feed your baby" or "he's hungry" when little did they know I fed him only minutes before they are telling me this! No wonder people give up on breastfeeding these days. It's hard enough being your child's constant food source but then to have women tell you, like they know, that your child is hungry when they just ate can be extremely daunting and exhausting. Don't step in and be mom! Especially if you've had a baby, shame on you, babies cry about all sorts of things, it's not always hunger. Let the mom qualm and help her child in the way she knows best don't overwhelm her with what you think her baby needs. Be supportive and helpful to a mom of a new infant they are already going through a lot, they don't need you adding to the feelings of inadequacy they probably already feel.
Another frequent thing has been the overwhelming amount of people who will sit and complain about their stressful lives as you sit there running on maybe three hours of sleep, no shower for days, needing to feed your baby again, and not having a minute to be by yourself. Yes we all need vent moments and yes we are all busy in this life. But a new mother does not want to sit and hear someone talk about that. Instead it would be great if you asked them about their life and how the new babies doing or talk about positive things that will bring some happiness to a sleep deprived new mom and yourself! Talking about stress doesn't lesson stress and talking about your busy schedule doesn't make it less busy. Be in the moment when you are with someone, care about them and don't talk about yourself constantly. Step into others shoes and be a little more selfless.
A mothers job is the most demanding and important one. The most shocking comments I've had are ones that make it sound like I am incapable or that I should be able to do more. I serve in a presidency for the women's organization of my church which requires a lot of time and I give it a lot of thought, I am head over the activities for that group as well which is something I take very seriously, there are women I strive to go and visit each month for another church calling, I support my husband, make meals, mow the lawn, care for two small infants, clean my home, write articles for a cooking company to help earn extra money in our home and more. I do not need to hear through gossip that I am not doing enough or handling things well. There was a great quote a while back from a great man who stated the importance that we don't busy our lives so much that we forget the things of most importance. And that we seem to want to wear Badges of Busyness. It's not an accomplishment to be busy. Again women forget that the first few months of having a new baby is exhausting, stressful and SO important. I need support, rest and to have time with my sweet children. It is not about being busy, it's about doing the the things that matter and need your time and attention.
I write this to say, remember mothers!!!! Stop judging one another and help new mothers feel confident in their new addition. Don't provide more stress to another's already stressful life. We all need to remember more how to bring joy to another's life, to focus outside of our own selfie world and to never gossip about another. Remember to love! Remember to be compassionate! Remember mothers!
Two articles that helped me smile and know I'm not alone through all this;
http://news.yahoo.com/mum-diary-stop-telling-me-the-housework-can-wait-090231496.html
http://wearethatfamily.com/2015/09/parenting-is-hard-especially-when-youre-doing-it-right/
