Gratitude #30

Gratitude #30. My heritage.

I am so thankful for my family tree. I have two stellar parents who gave me such a blessed childhood and continue to love and care for me still. Both of them are amazing individuals that I care so much about. Then each of their parents are individuals I admire so very much! All of my grandparents are filled with faith, endurance and hard work. Serving missions, writing music, irrigating, serving at a prison, going to the temple....they are active people and I love that example! Then all throughout the branches of our ancestry we are blessed with amazing people to look up to; Reynolds Cahoon, Mary Feilding Smith, Hyrum Smith being among some of the names. It's amazing how their are thousands of people who came before you in a family tree, and thousands that may come after you. Learning about ones past can help them live even stronger for the future!

Gratitude #29

Gratitude #29. Baby Cousins.

Oh how I wish all baby cousins could just live next door to each other! I love how every baby is so different and unique in this world. Size, temperament, learning, looks...every baby is so themselves! It strengthens my testimony every time that we are all distinct souls and that there is a Heavenly Father! I love how much baby's teach us adults. There is a reason human baby's don't come out running, standing and ready for life. Parents/adults must be patient as baby's develop slowly, they must become selfless as baby can't survive without them at all, they need to develop deep kindness and care, they learn about lack of sleep and no personal space, they learn that they'll never know a greater love in the world, they learn incredible responsibility... Indeed, babies, teach you a great deal!

It is so fun to see my siblings have children and to witness the change in them as they take on the role of "parent." We live far away from little baby cousins right now, and so it makes time when we are finally together very special. That is something I always wished when I was younger; to live close to my cousins. There is a great friendship that can form with your cousins. I have loved seeing Janes interaction and love for her cousins. She has so much fun when they are around and she loves seeing pictures of them. She pets Penelope Mays head, gives hugs and kisses, is intrigued with Kade and loves to play with him, she admires Jackson and Nora already. It will be really special to see William begin those little friendships to. I am so grateful for babies and for all they teach us and for all the joy they bring life! And I'm grateful for cousins and the fun times hey share!!!

Gratitude #28

Gratitude #28. My Brother Spencer.

This holiday I really missed my brother Spencer. He is one of my best friends and his presence was missed by all the relatives this year. He is often the life of a party! Growing up together he was always someone I looked up to and wanted to be like. I thought he was pretty much the cream of the crop.

Spencer is someone who takes time for the individual and makes everyone feel special. I will never forget how special it was for him to come and visit us right after both of our children's births. He came and held them and loved them so sweetly. I love that all my children will share his great name as their last. It really is pretty awesome. I knew at a very young age I wanted to name one of my children after my brother but now they all carry it. Spencer is a role model I hope they'll look to, they are blessed to have him as their uncle.

He is a man of great courage, kindness, creativity, love, compassion, sense, adventure, skill, smarts and joy. Spencer truly holds some of the most important traits a human being should poses. He gives everything in life his all and does a job well done in all that he's given. I love his drive for life and his care for people.

There are so many fond memories of Spencer. Many of them take me back to childhood...finding clay and making Indian pots, building a hot tub under the porch, making cookies, pretending, playing dress up, selling lemonade and Rice Krispies, putting on plays in garages, building forts, all those things that make a childhood awesome!! Then in the teenage years he kind of had his own group of friends he did things with but he still made me feel like a special sister. We were in choir together for a bit, we were in the high school play together, we went to WA DC together, we still shared in adventures.

One very sweet memory and keepsake I have of Spencer was given to me on the morning I was to go into the MTC (Missionary Training Center) for my mission to Pennsylvania. Spencer had bought this awesome little journal and had written a letter in the first pages. He told me this was to be passed back and forth while serving for a year and a half. It was SO fun to find that book in the mail on my mission and is something I now treasure. My brother has always shown great care for me and all my siblings and everyone he meets.

I'm so grateful for siblings. Each one of mine has taught me something valuable and important. I'm grateful for the blessing of being in families. You learn priceless and valuable things you truly can't learn in any other way. Thank you spencer for being one of my best friends and greatest examples, I am SO grateful for you!!

 

Gratitude #27

Gratitude #27. Thanksgiving.

Today we celebrated the reason for this month of gratitudes; Thanksgiving! The food of this day is marvelous and the Cahoon Clan knew how to have a great Thanksgiving feast. It was delicious! Probably my favoritest if all the foods are the rolls! I love homemade rolls and we had some amazing ones this year. But even more than the food is just gathering and being with Family. I am grateful my parents have taught the great importance of gathering. They faithfully drive down from WA to UT every single year to be with family. It's a great distance to be here for just a few short days and they do it each year! It really is incredible to me!

One of my dear younger cousins we've been staying with commented the other morning, "Did you go to mothering school or something? You're such a good mom and you can tell you love it and are happy. I don't see that very often." This comment truly gave me the biggest boost and the happiest feelings ever. It meant so much to me that a young teenage boy noticed that and voiced it to me. Family really has always been the most important part of my life and I've striven to always put them as a top priority in my life. When it boils down to what I'm most grateful for it's being the person I'm meant to be!! I know that Heavenly Father has great things in store for each and everyone of us to become, but we have to be malleable and himble to allow that transformation. I am not perfect at that, but little comments like this from my cousin help to encourage me that I am doing better than I think. I want with all my heart to be a good mother, daughter, wife and friend. How grateful I am that I am blessed daily to become a little better. Daily we are given the power to choose to be thankful for who we are. Be grateful for YOU and the person you're becoming each day. Thanksgiving, thank you for reminding us to be grateful!

Gratitude #26

Gratitude #26. Realness.

Today I am grateful for realness. Yes I know that's not a word but it is in my world. I love people who are real, I love being in nature and experiencing real life, I love really living! I feel like in our modern era we forget reality sometimes. There is so much to distract and idle away our time with. We can sit on phones, take photos of every second of life, watch screens all the time, gossiping and backbiting occur far too often, fake realities are produced online, make-up, surgeries and photoshop can create a whole new "you." All over there is fakeness. But realness is all over to. People who are just themselves, hobbies that allow one to explore and express themselves, hands on activities in nature, and dear family that really care. Being real is so important in life.

As a mother you learn to really appreciate small things. You get to see the world through a child's perspective and be humbled daily. After Williams birth I have been experiencing some very difficult feelings. So here I go I'm going to be really REALLY real here for a minute. I have had a bout of postpartum depression. It has been difficult because you do not feel like yourself and you cannot battle the feelings of utter exhaustion and complete overwhelmingness as you are to care for your little ones 24/7. There have been moments where my mind has honestly said, "you're family would be better off without you, you're not cut out for this job, you are a complete failure, you have no strengths and are useless, you'll never be the same again..." and those thoughts started to become my "reality." I truly felt like the whole world would be better off without Carolyn at many moments. But then my sweet Mister would bring me back to reality, or a smile from William, or Jane calling out "mommy." It has been a difficult journey and is not quite over yet. I know that there are many women who suffer through this and many who suffer silently and alone as I have felt. I want to be real about this struggle because women need support and need to know they're not alone and they are strong.

A moment I was so grateful for realness was yesterday. My dear sweet cousin has taken my children periodically through the day to give me a break. I don't think she knows how much that means to a mom. Having someone else entertain, play with, hold and have my children even for a moment is such a huge blessing. It allows me a moment to think, to have some 'me time' and not have a child crying, pulling, barfing or needing me. She is so great with kids to. She is probably the funnest aunt ever. Not only did she just take Jane off my hands for a little bit but she taught her and gave her real expereiences!! She took her on a nature color hunt. And then came in and taped them all on a paper with her. It was the sweetest, kindest and most adorable thing ever!

I have felt so far from my family the last few months and even when I'm with them it's busy and can feel lonely sometimes. I love them so much and during these difficult months of battling these feelings it's been hard to be far. I see my sisters rarely and skype just isn't real enough with our Bop and Grammy. Sometimes I just really wish families had to stay within at least an hour drive from each other. :). I'm grateful for Thanksgiving because it allows me time to be with relatives and family I hold so dear. Being together for real is such a blessing.

I have a beautiful life, it's hard, it's tiring, it's not perfect, but it's real!!! We all have ups and downs, we all have great struggles, we all have weakness and faults. But we all have strength, we all have courage, we all have smiles, we all have individual worth! I'm so thankful to know the real meaning of life and why we're here. There is real purpose for each and every one of us! Don't let the world create a new you, or allow the adversary to cloud your vision of who you really are. You are you!!!!!! And that is exactly who you need to be! I'm grateful for my real children who remind me daily what real life's all about and a good husband who reminds me who I really am. For those of you who struggle with unreal thoughts that depression can cause, get out and do something real, make a nature color page :), remember you are real, with real purpose and to be real to others. Be yourself and be open. Be positive and be serviceable. Be active and be alive. Keep it real folks, keep it real!

(I loved this fun real moment where both my kids were watching a classic cartoon together! Sitting still for a moment like this together is rare and it made my mommy heart so happy!)

Gratitude #25

Gratitude #25. Paper & Pens

I love being able to create. I'm grateful for the invention of paper and pens and the joy and imagination they encite in me. Jane and I love to color and paint and get messy with crayons. But there is something special about a blank piece of paper and a black pen. This week I had the opportunity to create a little city for Janes play cars to drive around in. She loves cars and thinks it's pretty awesome Aunt Wendy has a fire truck and garbage truck! Watching her pretend in something I created was so fulfilling and fun to watch. Then I took a little time while both kiddos were down (rare) to draw a thank you card for my aunt and uncle. Sketching and doodling really is quite therapeutic for me. I really need to do it more often.

I am so thankful for creation and the ability to dream. Both the pen and the paper had to be dreamed up and then someone had to create them. People are capable of truly great things. There is so much ingenuity in this world. I am grateful for the chances I am blessed with to create and dream as well. A big reason I picked Graphic Design as my college major was the love I have of those two principles. It really is so fun to imagine things up and bring them to life. A talk was given once on the desire humans have to create and I love that! We all innately want to create, to build, to dream the impossible, to make things happen! Isn't that neat! Creation and creativity are awesome!!!!!!!!! I'm grateful for people and the creation of the pen and paper!

Gratitude #24

Gratitude #24. CHOCOLATE!!!!!

Yep, this had to make my gratitude list. I love, love, love, love good chocolate! Maybe it's my Sorensen sweet tooth, but I know that chocolate is my #1 food choice that makes me happy. :) It's that one little sweet that this mommy craves all the time. I love the thrill of opening a wrapper over my favorite chocolate bar, or the feeling of a box of chocolates and the excitement to try each one, I love whacking a chocolate orange, I love the beauty of handmade truffles, I love the smell of chocolate...

Here in Utah there is a little chocolate shop right by the hubbub of where my aunts live in Millcreek, C K Cummings. It is a small and delicious shop. We went for our family home evening activity tonight and Jane (and I of course!) was in heaven. She picked a temple chocolate and a turkey chocolate. Then we had to get their famous thin mints!!!!! These little squares are minty chocolate bliss and what they are most known for.

I love watching chocolate be made, is it any wonder why I love the movie "Chocolate"!! A favorite memory I have from a few years back is making handmade chocolates at our dear friend, Elsie Godfeys, home. It was my sisters, parents, grandma Priscilla, James and I. We melted and dipped chocolates and got a bit on our faces to ;). It was such a fun experience and she is the talented maker of chocolates. Ooooo I could eat up a box right now!

I am grateful for chocolate and for the joy it gives me. I've learned to try and control my love for it, but I don't think I could give it up. Unless I really really really really really really had to of course. But thankfully that has not happened. Oh the simple joys in life, a little piece of chocolate is one of mine.

Gratitude #23

Gratitude #23. My sister Molly.

Today is the birthday of my older sister Molly. She is a woman who has great joy and courage. Anyone, and I mean anyone!, who meets her falls in love with her charm and exuberance for others. Molly is a woman full of giggles and smiles. She has the best handwriting you'll ever see. She has the most voluptuous hair and impeccable style. Molly always can find the best gift and makes life an adventure. She has great Seattle know how for giving tours. She's a lover of good music. She has a knack for design. She is a super fun aunt! And spoils her nieces and nephews for sure ;). I am grateful for my sister and all she has taught me. I'm glad she was born and that I got be in her family.

I've been to several country singer concerts with Molly; shedaisy, Toby Keith, Tim McGraw, sand Faith Hill. One favorite memory out of them was the duo of Faith and Tim concert. Molly surprised me and had bought me cowgirl boots and picked me up after a long day at work at a chiropractors office and drove me to this concert. It was so fun and a great concert, but even more then the actual entertainment, having my sister do that for/with me meant the world to me.

Another favorite memory I have was a sister trip we took to Oregon. We saw Portland, went to a market, ate Voodoo donuts and at Pearl Bakery, saw my dear friend Jennifer Lowe, and her friend Katie Ball, explored a graveyard, walked around the temple, went to Cannon Beach, enjoyed a shipwrecked pirate ship, had Tillamook cheese and ice-cream and seriously had the funniest time. James' all time favoritest photo of me was take on this trip. It was one of those really special one on one sibling memories that I treasure so very much.

Happy Birthday Miss Molly. I'm grateful for you!

Gratitude #22

Gratitude #22. My Mister James was born!

I know I already listed him in my gratitude list but today I am again extremely grateful for James. He is the most compassionate, loving and funny guys around. My absolute favorite moments right now with him are when I hear him giggling with Jane and catch him holding William. He's a wonderful father to our beautiful children. Becoming a dad is a big deal and a lot of sacrifice and work! James may think he's not very good at the whole thing but I think he rocks!!!! How grateful I am for how supportive he was in helping me bring our babies into the world, how much he cares about their education, how much fun he creates for them with his goofy ways and how he provides for us. James you are an amazing father!!

As we celebrate his birth today I am thankful he chose to come to earth, stayed strong in difficult times, had courage to do hard things and made the choice to choose me. James, happy birthday!!! We are grateful for YOU!!!

Words that describe James:

Kindness

Courage

Forgiveness

Acceptance

Faithfilled

Totally silly

Brave

Caring

Adventurous

Learner

Father

Husband

Son

Creative

Thrifty

Techy

Knowledgable

Giving

Smart

Fun

And so much more!!

Gratitude #21

Gratitude #21. Good salad.

The last two days have been a whirlwind! I got James' birthday all accomplished before traveling, packed our little family of four, got our neighbors prepped to take care of our chickens, made dinner for our friends who had their baby, and prepared my entire home for some dear friends to live in while we're gone. Wheew, it was a lot of work. But all of it was special and exciting! I love celebrations and it was a JOY to celebrate my mister James! For his birthday pre-dinner (since his birthdays not till Sunday but we won't be home) I made a Wonton Salad and it was SO good. James LOVES Asian food and loves salad so it really was the perfect dish! It's my amazing mothers recipe and it truly is a rock awesome salad!!!! I am grateful for good salads!! They make my tummy so very happy!!

Wonton Salad

The Recipe (I'm remembering it off the top of my head cause we're not home!):

Ingredients:

1 head of Romaine lettuce

1 head of Iceburg lettuce

3 cups shredded chicken

1 can water chestnuts

3 diced green onions

Wontons to sprinkle on salad when it's served up (cut into him strips and either fry them up, or our favorite way is to bake them on a cookie sheet. Less time, cleaner and healthy! Just keep an eye on them cause hey cook fast!)

Dressing (mix all together, and toss on whole salad when ready to eat it)

1/4 cup oil

3 Tb sugar

3 tsp ricevinegar 

1 tsp salt

1 tsp Lowrys seasoning salt

YUM!!

Gratitude #20

Gratitude #20. Pies.

Aren't pies just such a classic, comforting, beautiful and delicious treat. I love the care that goes into homemade pies! Getting the crust just right is an art, rolling it out, making it look pretty, adding a yummy filling, it's such a neat and beautiful process. I just learned the best crust recipe and technique during my monthly cooking club his week and let me tell you a flakey good crust MAKES the pie! I love a good crust! Mmmm. Tis the season of pies and it makes me grateful! As we head to Utah for thanksgiving I anticipate lots of pies and good food, and the best of company!

Gratitude #19

Gratitude #19. Christmas trees.

When I was little my mom got each of us kids our own little tiny tree with a Baggie full of itty bitty ornaments to put on it. I remember feeling so special to have my own little tree to decorate. Christmas time truly is my favorite time of year and I am so thankful it's here. And with kids it makes me even more excited!! I totally broke down this week and bought Jane her own little tree for her room. We went to the dollar store and she helped pick everything out. She's become quite the little shopper. She grabbed a garbage basket someone had left on the floor and carried it around with her everywhere and would take things off the shelves to fill it up. It was so funny! Finally it got too heavy and she just left it in an aisle. Jane is growing up so fast. We had so much fun together hanging the ornaments on her new tree in her room. Hopefully it will help her not play too much with our real tree. Happy happy Christmas tree time!! I'm grateful for the symbol and beauty of Christmas Trees!

Gratitude #18

Gratitude #18. Apples.

My absolute favorite fruit in all the world is the apple. Green ones, red ones, crunchy ones, juicy ones. Two memories I treasure concerning apples are: picking them for the first time in an orchard on Vashon Island WA with my YW's group, making cider with my amazing cousins family when Mister James and I were newly weds. I LOVE apples! Picking them, cutting them, dipping them in peanut butter or caramel, apple juice, apple pie, my apple phone and now my apple athletic club!

Yep, you heard me right! A gym! I have never belonged to a gym and have never really done regular exercise before. The two times in my life I was "dedicated" to fitness were in college and on my mission. I think mainly because of motivating room-mates and on a mission it's built into your morning schedule. But in my own, nope! I don't consistently keep goals to exercise, ever. That is hopefully about to change! James and I made the leap of commitment to put our health and exercise a priority when we signed a contract to our local Apple Club this week! It was a big commitment with tight budgets and schedules with kids, but we decided now is the time to invest in our health, not later (fingers crossed). This time we've got to show some drive and commitment because we're dumping good money into it! That was the first step to being more serious about this goal. Here in Idaho there isn't a whole ton to do for exercise in winter unless you ski or something, which we don't. So excuses can enfold because you can't go outside ;). We can't do that this winter! 

A great blessing that allows us to do this is my little writing job. My Cook'n articles I write each month earns me just about as much as the monthly Apple Club fee. So as I write about delicious food I'm earning money for gym time! Seems like a pretty good trade. Of course that money could be used elsewhere, but we have chosen to put it to our health. I'm excited to swim and run, to weight lift and go to classes for yoga, Zumba and more. I'm excited for James to get time to work out and be fit again. I'm excited for Jane to get swimming lessons. And I'm excited to instill into our children the importance of taking good care of their bodies! I'm grateful for apples!!

Gratitude #17

Gratitude #17. Angels.

This little crystal angel was given to me by my sweet Doula when I was pregnant with Jane. I had it right next to my bed during her birth. Then a month before I had William I rediscovered my little angel. It gave me a smile to think I'd have my little guardian angel again by my bed to remind me I had angels watching over my baby boy and me. Birth is an amazing and difficult journey and a mother really does need angels, from earth and heaven watching over her. When William was 10 days late this little angel was a beautiful symbol to me. It made me think a lot about the angel I was bringing to this earth as well! That so soon he would be departing from his heavenly comfort and I would have a son born into this world. Babies truly are angels!

Well, now I have a dear friend who is awaiting the arrival of her baby angel. Similarly her little ones also taking its time to make its entrance into this world. She patiently waits, as I did, for the day of birth she's long been awaiting. As she's gone over the expected time I felt it was time to pass my little guardian angel on to watch over her in these last days of pregnancy and to lift her as she gives birth. It was a special moment to pass on my sweet angel friend.

I believe in heaven and in a God that loves us. I know that there are angels who watch over us and give us strength, courage and comfort. How grateful I am for angels. 

Gratitude #16

Gratitude #16. Snow.

White whisps began falling from the sky today and it brought a gleeful smile to our faces. I went in to get Jane this morning and asked, "What do you think it's doing outside?" And she immediately said, "Snowing!!!!" It was so sweet to see her cute half asleep waddle run down the hall to open the front curtain and see snow! Those little moments are what make mothering so worth it. The magic of this world is seen through little eyes and it's so fun to experience it with your children. As we ate breakfast the flakes drifted more and more.

There is something special about a first snow. It's a moment that brings an anticipation for winter and the wonderful holidays it holds. The white purity it represents brings a peace to my soul. I am so thankful for the cold time of year because it makes you that much more thankful for the warm times. Isn't life that way! We must experience lows to know highs, it's hard and sometimes you really, really want to give up. But when you overcome an obstacle, get through a bad day (or week or year), laugh at a bad haircut, find joy in darkness, seek hope in a time of hate, and pick yourself up when someone knocks you down it really makes you step back and think. You are STRONG!

That's another word I think of with snow; strong. Tiny little flakes add up to make huge masses of snow that hold great power. Just our little daily acts can forge great strength within us. We choose each day how we see the world, may we begin to see it more like a child! Seek goodness, give love, find joy in the journey you're blessed with. It can be hard at times but oh how blessed your life will be if you do!

Gratitude #15

Gratitude #15. Babies in hats.

There is something sweet about a baby in a hat. My grandmother is a knitter. One year she made hats for every single one of her grandkids for Christmas! And there are like 60+ of us, so that's a lot of knitting. My children are blessed and lucky to also receive from her talent. Each of my kids has a quilt, booties and a hat from their dear great grandma Nonie! They are treasures and keepsakes for them!!

I love a baby in a hat. There really is nothing sweeter or happier in the world! It means cozy snuggles, it means winter holidays, it means gathering as a family, and it is the best peice of apparel out there. Hats are the greatest! And on a baby they are out of this world!!

Gratitude #14

Gratitude #14. Running water.

Yes I hate doing dishes. Yes I hate doing laundry. I would say most women do. It is pretty dang satisfying to see your kitchen sparkling with clean dishes in the cupboards though. And who doesn't feel triumphant when the mountains of clothing are conquered!? During this week of sickness and many other moments in my recent years as a mom I have been ever so thankful for running water. How blessed I am to just turn on my faucets and have warm and cold water year round! I don't have to make s fire and heat water to bath my children, or to wash clothes or dishes or cook with. I can just get a drink of water whenever I want one. That is amazing and something some people in this world live without. So on those days I complain about all the cleaning I've got to do I try to pause and think....you've got running water Carolyn!!!! Wow!!!! There really are so many things to be grateful for in this life. 

Gratitude #13

Gratitude #13. Bananagrams!

This probably is my favorite game. And there are many reasons why. One of the biggest is it's just FUN! I like games that make you think. Another favorite is a game called SET. Games that have patterns or words are great for keeping Alzheimer's at bay to. Another reason I love Bananagrams is its create banana package case. Clever packaging always gets me. Yet another reason I love this game is the words people come up with. It's always a blast to read them over at the end. Yeah did you see that killer word Mister James got above....modifications! Wow! But probably the biggest reason I love this game is it reminds me of our honeymoon. We stayed a night in my aunts home in midway and we hunted down the game closet while there. Bananagrams was the winner and we had such a blast playing it. Games are such clever ways to keep your mind young, bring some good laughs, gather people together and just have a good time!!!

Gratitude #12

Gratitude #12. Gratitude Trees.

Have you ever just had one of those weeks? Of course you have, haven't we all? Well this has been one of them for me. There have definitely been moments of "can I just quit?" in my mind this week. Lack of sleep, that's really an understatement, can really make you have a rough go at life. Then adding on sickies from you know where ;) and it's made for a very trying week. However, I've had a fun reminder on my wall to remind me all I have to be grateful for; our Gratitude Tree.

It's been special adding leaves and filling it with things our little families grateful for. My favorite leaf is the first one we put on. I asked Jane what she was grateful for and without a moment of hesitation she exclaimed, "Jesus!" My heart melted and I oozed with love for this little girl of mine. When life pushes you down and you're feeling all alone that is a great truth to remember! I am grateful for Jesus!!

He descended below all things to be lifted up on the cross and then rose the third day so that we all might live again and have peace through repentance! That is something to lift your spirits and give you great strength! Heaven knows I've needed it this week. Even as I write this I'm rocking a screaming infant who hasn't let me sleep a straight 5 hours for the past 3 months, and as I think, "I can't do this anymore!" I remember the sweet exclamation, "I'm grateful for Jesus!" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I am weak, very weak, but somehow I get through these trying days and nights and weeks and months, as we all do. I know I'm not alone in this battle of early child rearing but sometimes I just think to myself, "how does anyone do this!!!?" Cause man it's tough. I pray every night (especially this week) for strength to get through another day/night. I know I can and will but sometimes it seems impossible.

I just keep holding onto that leaf and looking at all I have to be grateful for and it helps pull me through these trying times. I love being a mother but it is the most trying and difficult thing I've ever done. Yes it's also the most rewarding as well, but seriously, every mom deserves a  badge of awesomeness! It's hard, really hard. And I know without my faith in Christ it would be that much harder. How grateful I am for Jesus Christ.

Ps. I also love our funny little thanksgiving turkey lurkey Jane and I made. I love seeing her sweet little hands making his feathers. There's nothing sweeter than a little hand print!

Gratitude #11

Gratitude #11. Hot Cocoa.

Yep. Today I am grateful for hot cocoa. Period.

Gratitude #10

Gratitude #10. Good neighbors and IV's.

This last evening I had one of the scariest most humbling experiences of my life!!! The sickness bug hit our home Saturday with James being sick, then it hit HARD Sunday morning when Jane threw up all over her bedroom. Then Monday morning William was throwing up. Needless to say I was really tired of bodily fluids running around our home, and was quite kapooed. Then the beast of beasts hit. We had got the kids down and I laid in bed after getting dishes going and I felt awful. Stomach churning and cramping like their was a bear in there. I had one small boat of the runs and came back to bed. Then it hit me like a steamengine. I jumped out of bed ran to the bathroom and had constant flow for 5 minutes and throw up. I started to shiver uncontrollably and was breathing way too fast. James even got the blow dryer out real quick to warm me up. Really funny looking back now at how crazy our tiny bathroom was probably looking. Then the scariest thing I've ever had happen to me happened: my hands began to get tingly and numb and froze in a horrid position. I literally could not move my hands!!! It was scaring me half to death and James. As we tried to deal with it on our own we realized this was bigger than just a bit of the runs.

We called my best friend and neighbor to come to the rescue and sit at our home with our sleeping children. This dear friend has seen me in my hardest most difficult moments of my life! She was the one who came over while I was in labor with William and took care of Jane for us and then she saw me when I was frozen and frightened and lethargic with this sickness. She truly is a Bosem Friend that I treasure so much!!

James helped me into a coat and we drove to the ER. I have never been to the ER in my life and have never really been cared for in a hospital before. Having had my children naturally and never having got hurt or sick enough to go. So this was quite the event. In the waiting area James asked me as I was buckled over, "what are you thinking about?" And my quick response was, "I don't want to be here, and my babies!" Soon they got me in a room and James and I struggled to figure out the hospital gown ;), it was quite funny. Then they began the questions and getting my arm ready for an IV. The nurse asked me "are you a hard poke?" And I probably looked like a little child cause I had no idea what he was taking about, then we realized it was for the IV. Well, that was another first! I've never had an IV put into me before. He was shocked. And by the way he had the coolest curly mustache :). They poked about for the IV and blood work and were off.

My body was so freezing from the IV and beings so sick. They piled 4 blankets on me and I scored some hospital socks. We listened to Elder Hollands talk from this past conference on Mothers, I slept, and James was my hero at my side! They came back and said the blood work was very interesting and different which had me worried. But then learned that this was a reallllly bad flu bug case that hit me quick and hard. And my white blood cell count was skyrocketed! So there you have our late night at the ER. I am so grateful for the rehydrating abilities of an IV and the best neighbor a girl could ask for!! 

Learning Tid-bit: Don't hyperventilate, it can lock your hands and make your limbs tingly! Get that classic brown bag and breath away! It's interesting how this sickness came on so suddenly and affected me SO strongly. As we left the ER early this morning I told James that it probably HAD to happen that way in order to slow me down and force myself to take care of me. Just minutes before I'd been doing dishes and all those other things that are on mommy to do lists. I am one who tries to push through no matter what. And I think this was a good reminder to take care of me. Moms can have a hard time doing that :). But it's oh so important!

Gratitude #9

Gratitude #9. Honest Moms.

On Saturday it was so sunny and a perfect fall day so I just had to get outside with the kids. We bundled up and began our walk collecting sticks, rocks and leaves. I hadn't had a nap in days, William had a hard few nights of sleep (and unknown to me, Jane would throw up the evening after our walk), I probably looked pretty haggard, my home was a mess and I was behind on lots but this walk is what my cabin fever daughter and I needed. So, out we went on our round in the neighborhood. I know many of you great moms out there know this scene all too well.

While walking we bumped into one my favorite moms in our town. She's a woman I greatly admire. Her kids were raking an elderly neighbors yard and so we stopped and chatted. While the kiddos had a blast throwing leaves on Jane (it was adorable). She was open and honest about the good and the bad of raising small children (she has 7) and I so needed to hear her honesty. Being so far from my family and having new little children has taught me how important ones "village" is and feeling support from them is. I wish my mom lived down the street many times and want to have my children play with their cousins all the time, but because that's not possible I am grateful for little moments like this walk. Talking with other moms/parents about life in a real and open way is so important.

Parenthood is the noblest calling and a beautiful, happy, awe inspiring position, but it's also tiring, thankless, exhausting, patience testing, and the hardest thing you'll ever do. I think that it's important to recognize and talk about the good, the bad and the ugly of parenting. So many of us sugar coat life which thus produces false hopes, feelings of inadequacy or guilt when it's hard or we aren't "perfect" at it, and is overwhelming to try and figure out all the hard stuff on your own.

After having children of my own I have learned the importance of honest parenting and speaking openly about it. I want my children to know when they become parents that they've just started the greatest AND hardest jobs. I want them to know there will be nights when they want to give up, there will be lost tempers, there will be sleep deprivation beyond anything they've known, there will be tears, there will be feelings of inadequacy and it will be so hard. Not to be a doomsday person but to make sure they know if those things are happening they're normal and doing it right! Life is made up of hard, that's what makes it so good! But to not talk about the hard in honest ways makes the good seem unreal. We are meant to have both in this life! And parenting makes that lesson oh so clear.

Now we aren't to talk about the bad by complaining and droning on and on, but to bring an awareness and a boost of confidence to the process of life. We all know you must know low to know high, but that can be hard to live when you feel alone or overwhelmed. I had to ask for a break from a calling (that I loved very much) in my church which is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Not because I'm inadequate and can't do my job but because this early parenting of children thing...it takes a whole lot of time and energy. And when burdened with a load that was too much on my own I needed to reevaluate and make sure the most important things were happening first. Motherhood is the most important right now. There are judgments made on moms too often that they don't accomplish much and that is so wrong. Do not add to an already overwhelming task by passing judgements. Parenthood is a calling we should revere and give the attention it deserves.

So moms (and dads), when you are exhausted beyond measure, lose your temper after the 10th tantrum of your toddler, get annoyed at the messes you clean up all day, feel awful that you didn't get that thing done today that you thought you would, when you have thoughts of "am I going insane", or get frustrated when your days are so long and so short all at once, when you yearn for time alone or just really want to sleep, when you get so low as you're holding a screaming unconsolable child, when you really just want a shower and new clothes, when you feel you can't do it anymore....you CAN! And you will. Parenthood is tough but you can do it. Don't look around at the unreal, perfect portrayed lives of others. That's not real. You're doing everything right. Keep it up and know you're not alone.

There truly is no greater importance then children being raised by good parents. It's what makes this world a better place. So thank you honest moms for being open and excited about the good, the bad and the ugly of mothering. There is joy to be found in all of it! I am grateful for honest moms!!!

Gratitude #8

Gratitude #8. Wee William.

Do you notice something in all these photos of Sir William? Yep. He's smiling in all of them. William is a smiler!!!!! :) :) :). He loves to be close and a part of things. There is never a moment he does not enjoy holding a finger or riding in his carrier and being with the family. He's only 3 months and already wants to be a part of everything we do. He loves his hands and binki and enjoys sucking on anything! His little legs are always kicking and dancing away. And he is quick to forgive when his sister bangs him up.

William is a true boy and enjoys eating, burping and tooting ;). We are so happy to have William in our family and know that we have so much to learn from him. It's exciting anticipating what he'll be like and what his personality will be. He already seems like a very tender and thoughtful boy, like his dad. I am grateful for this little man in my life and am so very thankful "he's here" in our family!!

***I quoted the words "he's here" because that is apparently what I said over and over after he was born. James told me it was so cute and funny that I just kept repeating that phrase :).