Today I am grateful for realness. Yes I know that's not a word but it is in my world. I love people who are real, I love being in nature and experiencing real life, I love really living! I feel like in our modern era we forget reality sometimes. There is so much to distract and idle away our time with. We can sit on phones, take photos of every second of life, watch screens all the time, gossiping and backbiting occur far too often, fake realities are produced online, make-up, surgeries and photoshop can create a whole new "you." All over there is fakeness. But realness is all over to. People who are just themselves, hobbies that allow one to explore and express themselves, hands on activities in nature, and dear family that really care. Being real is so important in life.
As a mother you learn to really appreciate small things. You get to see the world through a child's perspective and be humbled daily. After Williams birth I have been experiencing some very difficult feelings. So here I go I'm going to be really REALLY real here for a minute. I have had a bout of postpartum depression. It has been difficult because you do not feel like yourself and you cannot battle the feelings of utter exhaustion and complete overwhelmingness as you are to care for your little ones 24/7. There have been moments where my mind has honestly said, "you're family would be better off without you, you're not cut out for this job, you are a complete failure, you have no strengths and are useless, you'll never be the same again..." and those thoughts started to become my "reality." I truly felt like the whole world would be better off without Carolyn at many moments. But then my sweet Mister would bring me back to reality, or a smile from William, or Jane calling out "mommy." It has been a difficult journey and is not quite over yet. I know that there are many women who suffer through this and many who suffer silently and alone as I have felt. I want to be real about this struggle because women need support and need to know they're not alone and they are strong.
A moment I was so grateful for realness was yesterday. My dear sweet cousin has taken my children periodically through the day to give me a break. I don't think she knows how much that means to a mom. Having someone else entertain, play with, hold and have my children even for a moment is such a huge blessing. It allows me a moment to think, to have some 'me time' and not have a child crying, pulling, barfing or needing me. She is so great with kids to. She is probably the funnest aunt ever. Not only did she just take Jane off my hands for a little bit but she taught her and gave her real expereiences!! She took her on a nature color hunt. And then came in and taped them all on a paper with her. It was the sweetest, kindest and most adorable thing ever!
I have felt so far from my family the last few months and even when I'm with them it's busy and can feel lonely sometimes. I love them so much and during these difficult months of battling these feelings it's been hard to be far. I see my sisters rarely and skype just isn't real enough with our Bop and Grammy. Sometimes I just really wish families had to stay within at least an hour drive from each other. :). I'm grateful for Thanksgiving because it allows me time to be with relatives and family I hold so dear. Being together for real is such a blessing.
I have a beautiful life, it's hard, it's tiring, it's not perfect, but it's real!!! We all have ups and downs, we all have great struggles, we all have weakness and faults. But we all have strength, we all have courage, we all have smiles, we all have individual worth! I'm so thankful to know the real meaning of life and why we're here. There is real purpose for each and every one of us! Don't let the world create a new you, or allow the adversary to cloud your vision of who you really are. You are you!!!!!! And that is exactly who you need to be! I'm grateful for my real children who remind me daily what real life's all about and a good husband who reminds me who I really am. For those of you who struggle with unreal thoughts that depression can cause, get out and do something real, make a nature color page :), remember you are real, with real purpose and to be real to others. Be yourself and be open. Be positive and be serviceable. Be active and be alive. Keep it real folks, keep it real!
