On Saturday it was so sunny and a perfect fall day so I just had to get outside with the kids. We bundled up and began our walk collecting sticks, rocks and leaves. I hadn't had a nap in days, William had a hard few nights of sleep (and unknown to me, Jane would throw up the evening after our walk), I probably looked pretty haggard, my home was a mess and I was behind on lots but this walk is what my cabin fever daughter and I needed. So, out we went on our round in the neighborhood. I know many of you great moms out there know this scene all too well.
While walking we bumped into one my favorite moms in our town. She's a woman I greatly admire. Her kids were raking an elderly neighbors yard and so we stopped and chatted. While the kiddos had a blast throwing leaves on Jane (it was adorable). She was open and honest about the good and the bad of raising small children (she has 7) and I so needed to hear her honesty. Being so far from my family and having new little children has taught me how important ones "village" is and feeling support from them is. I wish my mom lived down the street many times and want to have my children play with their cousins all the time, but because that's not possible I am grateful for little moments like this walk. Talking with other moms/parents about life in a real and open way is so important.
Parenthood is the noblest calling and a beautiful, happy, awe inspiring position, but it's also tiring, thankless, exhausting, patience testing, and the hardest thing you'll ever do. I think that it's important to recognize and talk about the good, the bad and the ugly of parenting. So many of us sugar coat life which thus produces false hopes, feelings of inadequacy or guilt when it's hard or we aren't "perfect" at it, and is overwhelming to try and figure out all the hard stuff on your own.
After having children of my own I have learned the importance of honest parenting and speaking openly about it. I want my children to know when they become parents that they've just started the greatest AND hardest jobs. I want them to know there will be nights when they want to give up, there will be lost tempers, there will be sleep deprivation beyond anything they've known, there will be tears, there will be feelings of inadequacy and it will be so hard. Not to be a doomsday person but to make sure they know if those things are happening they're normal and doing it right! Life is made up of hard, that's what makes it so good! But to not talk about the hard in honest ways makes the good seem unreal. We are meant to have both in this life! And parenting makes that lesson oh so clear.
Now we aren't to talk about the bad by complaining and droning on and on, but to bring an awareness and a boost of confidence to the process of life. We all know you must know low to know high, but that can be hard to live when you feel alone or overwhelmed. I had to ask for a break from a calling (that I loved very much) in my church which is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Not because I'm inadequate and can't do my job but because this early parenting of children thing...it takes a whole lot of time and energy. And when burdened with a load that was too much on my own I needed to reevaluate and make sure the most important things were happening first. Motherhood is the most important right now. There are judgments made on moms too often that they don't accomplish much and that is so wrong. Do not add to an already overwhelming task by passing judgements. Parenthood is a calling we should revere and give the attention it deserves.
So moms (and dads), when you are exhausted beyond measure, lose your temper after the 10th tantrum of your toddler, get annoyed at the messes you clean up all day, feel awful that you didn't get that thing done today that you thought you would, when you have thoughts of "am I going insane", or get frustrated when your days are so long and so short all at once, when you yearn for time alone or just really want to sleep, when you get so low as you're holding a screaming unconsolable child, when you really just want a shower and new clothes, when you feel you can't do it anymore....you CAN! And you will. Parenthood is tough but you can do it. Don't look around at the unreal, perfect portrayed lives of others. That's not real. You're doing everything right. Keep it up and know you're not alone.
There truly is no greater importance then children being raised by good parents. It's what makes this world a better place. So thank you honest moms for being open and excited about the good, the bad and the ugly of mothering. There is joy to be found in all of it! I am grateful for honest moms!!!
